My Favourite Books of 2011

These are not books that were published in 2011 but books that I read and fell in love with during this past year.  I keep track of my books through Shelfari which is also listed through this blog.
These books are also in no particular order...I'm not rational or organized as such...

The Silence of Trees
by Valya Dudycz Lupescu

This is a story of Nadya and how she dealt with her ghosts from the past through her entire life.  Beautiful story about love, hope, despair and loss.  A strong woman dealing with her decisions that shaped her future.
I was drawn into her life and her story and got lost in the story of this brave yet also weak girl who grew in to an old woman with so many secrets.

The Host
by Stephenie Meyer

I'm not a fan of the Twilight movie series.  This meant that I ignored the global rush to read the book series.  Instead I waited years and finally picked up this book.  At first glance and as I started to read it, I thought I was in for an eye-roller and reluctantly kept reading chapter after chapter until the book had me in its grips and I could not put it down.  I missed busstops, snuck off to the bathroom, read at my desk under cover of a file folder. 
Earth has been taken over by an alien race, using human bodies as host for their own race,c alled Souls.  Melanie Stryder, a rebel fighter, has been taken over by a soul called Wanderer.  It's Wanderer's story we get to hear and how Melanie, even though faint in memory, grows in Wanderer's memory.

Little Bee
by Chris Clever

Another survival story (2011 was riddled with them).  Told from the viewpoint of Little Bee, a nigerian refugee in the UK and her reason for being there and what drives her forward but also from the viewpoint of another woman whose life was touched, ever so lightly at first, by Little Bee and how they came to be eachother's flames.

The Hunger Games
by Suzanne Collins

Survival and Rebels, Teen Style;)  Loved this trilogy. A must read for any young female (or male).

A Game of Thrones
by George R.R. Martin

Not the series, this particular book and maybe the second one as well...A great fantasy read.

Time...is not always on my side

I'm always baffled at how incredibly busy my life has become and how I always used to considered time as more than fleeting.  Perhaps it's the age I'm at, being past 35 and no longer being in the "immortal" state of mind. In your twenties, you're always looking ahead but also always living in the now.  You have minor plans, but nothing major.  You're not ruled by anyone other than perhaps your friends, work and if you have one, your partner.  You might be saving up for a house, but you most likely don't own one yet, and if you do, it's your first mortgage and your consumer debt is fairly low.

If someone says, let's go on a roadtrip this weekend, in your twenties you'd say "Yeehaaa!  I'm in!" without a moments thought.  If something else was planned, you'd either excuse yourself or just not show up.  What does it matter anyway, you're only 22!

In your thirties, with a child, mortgage, consumer debt, bills, and a job, you're constantly checking your schedule because there might just be a birthday party you're suppose to attend with your daughter, or there's a lack of funds flowing in at that particular moment because you just had to repair your furnance. Whatever it is, your response is not "Yeehaa!", it's more like "Oh.  I don't know. Let me get back to you."

I wish I could yell Yehaa! some days, but most of the days, I'm happy to say "Let me get back to you". I don't mind plans made in advance, because I can savour the moment when I'm going to go see the girls with a bottle of wine and some tapas, or that weekend retreat without my darling girl seems rather intruiging, but I don't have the luxury of being spontaneous to the fullest and frankly, I'm ok with that.

I don't waste my time often.  I do head to bed earlier than I used to because between work, commuting and making sure my girl is alright and tucked in, I'm tuckered out by 9pm.  I'm ok with that as well.  Chances are I'm in bed reading, not really sleeping.  It's my time.  Ida time.

I'm also less spontaneous because I prefer my home to any other place in the world.  Sure, a weekend in a hotel somewhere luxurious is positively amazing, but home is where my heart is.  It's where I am at peace.

So, time is a luxury and I urge everyone to slow down and not wish time away.  Ever.

My mom is a Star

Yesterday I once again experienced the purity of a child's mind.  Where stories come to life and wild beasts roam freely and superheros saves the day, but also where life and death can be so cutthroat even without the superheros and villains. 

Emma has known for a long time that my mother is no longer with us, that she died and is in heaven.  I figured that one day she would ask some very distinct questions and I would hopefully be brave enough to answer them.  That moment was yesterday. 

It's funny though that the story begins with Superman. 


"Mom, you had a bad dream about Superman when you were little like me, right?"

"I did, Superman swooped in to my bedroom and took me flying, away from my mom and dad."

"What happened then?"

"Well, I woke up and screamed for my mom who came and gave me a really big hug and a kiss and made it all better."

(Silence from the back of the car)

"What's your mom's name?"

"Britt"

"Britt isn't here anymore, is she?"

"No sweetie, my mommy died."

"She's in heaven, you told me that."

"She is, for sure she is.  She's looking down on us and she's always with us."

"Do you miss her?" 

"I  miss her all the time sweetie pie."

(Sobs from the backseat)

"I miss her too mommy."

"You know what though Emma, she's up in heaven and she's making sure we're ok, every single day."

"She's with the stars?"

"She is a star."

"Can we look at her when  we stop the car?"

"You mean, find the star in the sky that's my mom?"

"Yes"

"Of course we can.  We'll say good night to her"

This is when my heart kind of constricted and my breathing stopped.  I'd never really thought of how this would affect my little girl.  How she would one day make the connection that daddy has a mommy and daddy, but where's mommy's mommy.

Emma was sad for a long time that evening.  We spent the time in bed reading books but also looking at old photos of me and my mom, Auntie Karin, my dad and my grandmother.

Although Emma will never meet my mom, I know that my mom is always with her. 

My childhood...my mom...my dad

Raspberry Picking

It would occur on a beautiful warm sunny day when most children would spend it on a beach somewhere. Me, well, I was with my mom, all dressed in long-sleeved sweaters, pants, rubber boots and covered with bug spray. And it was lovely, albeit hot, sticky, thorny and red juice all over my sweater. The best thing, part from the wildlife we encountered as we made our way through the bushes, was the picnic lunch she always packed.

Picnic Lunches

Nothing fancy. Cheese sandwiches or fried egg sandwiches served cold. Orange wedges. Juice  usually in empty corn syrup bottles (Saft in Swedish, strawberry, blueberry or raspberry).  And cookies. Always cookies and cinnamon buns.

Blankets shared with ants and spiders, but who cares? We're eating out in the open and nothing matters.

Blueberry Picking

The woods in Sweden are full of blueberries. These aren't the blueberries you buy per pint at Loblaws here in Canada. These are juicy, blue to the core berries that taste like nothing else and stains your fingers blue for days to come. This also reminds me of my grandmother, even well in her 80's she would stoop, not bend, over blueberry bushes with her berry scooper that would not only scoop up the blueberries but twigs, leafs and bugs at the same time. She swore by it though and wouldn't pick a single blueberry with her hands.

Picnics in the blueberry woods with the sun filtering through the tall fir trees is also something. It's from a fairy tale story a la Swedish, where trolls roam the mossy hillsides that are actually sleeping giants, while forest nymphs can put you in a trance and lead you to a brook where you will drown and join the fiddler singing near the waterfall...yep...watch out for them nymphs.

Baking and Canning

Be it Christmas baking, bread baking, cakes for birthdays...baking was such a huge part of my childhood.  I remember asking my dad when I was pregnant how one makes it financially on just one income when you have children, his answer - you bake your own bread.  I thought it was funny at first, but it was the truth and it didn't just mean you bake your own bread.  You make your own everything.  The amount of baking and canning and freezing that went on in my childhood is outstanding.  Not only did we have a double freezer in the kitchen, we also had two deep freezers in our outside cold storage, along with shelves filled with canned fruit and vegetables.  Store bought bread was a rarity although I do remember the weekly "limpa" that could be found.  This is a sweet sandwich bread and I loved it either slathered with butter and jam or as per above, with a cold fried egg on top. 

Fort Building

I was a tomboy.  Dresses were rare, dirty corduroys a daily occurrence.  If I wasn't building a complete city in the sand pile by the tractor garage, I was building forts in the woods. When the blueberry picking became dull for us kids, we would build forts and travel further in to the woods, sometimes beyond the eyes and ears of our parents, and create a world of our own.  I believe this is partially where my romantic side was born.  I would immerse myself in the story that we weaved and fully become whatever my character was.  Perhaps I was a maiden, perhaps I was a knight - I never cared which role I played, as long as it was not my own life story. 

Books, Books and Books

Yes, I was a bookworm.  Dinner time and lights out came with dread as it ended my bookworld and I was brought back in to my real life.  Another way that I became the intense romantic I am today.  I became part of the stories I read, and I do to this day...

My childhood was amazing...truly.  My wonderful parents, my grandparents who gave me the freedom to explore, to read, to create and to live with very little fear of what life is truly like.  

Post Vacation Blues

The idea of vacation is a brilliant one.  We all need time away from work, home and our everyday life in general.  We crave it, we dream of it and we plan for it.  The time away makes us feel reborn, revigorated and relaxed.  Until we crash land again back in our normal life. 

From September 17 to September 26 I was in a beautiful rocky mountain town, in a most luxurious condo with pool and hot tub access.  King size bed, oversized glass shower and a soaker tub.  Granite countertops, stainless steel appliances. Ok, you get the picture. 

Days were spent sleeping in, having coffee on the balcony overlooking the mountains and slowly getting ready for a day doing practically nothing but relax, perhaps the ambitious hike or an afternoon spent at the poolside.  Family was gathered for a wedding, from east to west coast in this beautiful setting. 

All thoughts of troubled finances, school lunches, work overload, relationship woes, broken faucets, wood to be stacked were blown out the window and over the mountain tops. 

Life was beautiful for 10 lovely days.

Then we crashed back in our normal routine and I had a moment of deep depression for a day. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one that experience the post-vacation depression.  I have to say though, that the fog that surrounded the mountains in the early mornings was not as heavy as the fog that surrounded me and it is just lifting today really. 

Tomorrow I'm going to tackle the unpacking of bags, the grocery shopping to bring my fridge up to par with living in my house again. Clean out the cobwebs and get on with my life, post-vacation.

Friendliness is a lost virtue

I'm going on vacation in a few days and maybe because I'm about to leave my place of work, I have a bit more joy flowing through my veins.  There's just something about work that always strikes me as interesting.  The absolute lack of smiles during a workday.  You may not enjoy your workload that much, or perhaps you're not over friendly with your deskmate, but greeting people as you walk by them in the hallways with either a quaint hello or a smile is considered customary and friendly.  Why are we so against social interactions on this level? What are we afraid of? 

There is no harm in some friendliness amongst co-orkers, even if you don't know them by name, you do know them by face.  You see them everyday in the hallway, in the washrooms, in the kitchen area.  They aren't strangers and returning a smile does not cost you your identity.  Unless of course you want to be considered as the sour puss of the office.  Then you would certainly damage your reputation by smiling or saying even the faintest hello. 

I think that out of the 10 smiles and hellos I get when I meet someone in the hallway, I'm greeted with maybe 5 in return.  I think that is outrageous. 

I have a very dear friend who is the most outgoing and friendly person I have ever in my life had the pleasure of meeting and befriending.  She is a wonderful spirit and being around her makes me feel happy.  It wasn't until I met her that I realized that I was currently surrounded by a lot of negative people in my life.  You know which ones I'm talking about.  The ones that sucks the life out of you with their mere presence because they exude pessimism and negative aura.  I don't think I went out of my way to attract these people but my personality, as it was, made me want to help and fix these people.  I can't and neither do I want to.  I've come a long way through many adverseries and I will not let negative people suck my soul out any longer.  I decided when I met my positive and bubbly friend that enough was enough and I started to weed through my friend circle.  I'm not entirely proud of what I did and the ways that I accomplished my unfriending, but it did my life and soul wonders to be rid of those that are life-suckers. 

Don't get me wrong, I reach out to those who need help and to those who are in need of comfort I extend more than just a hand.  These are instances in someone's life that are not measured by their personality but by circumstance.  I will always support anyone going through a tough time, no matter who you are.  The difference is, I'm unwilling to support you if you do not first try and support yourself, if even just a little. 
So here I am, a handful of wonderful friends, an armload of acquaintances and a much better person for it. 

Smile people.  It's not going to kill you. It might even make you feel better, even for that split second that the corners of your mouth move upward.  Trust me on this.

Bad Driver Rant

I drive a lot.  A LOT! I have about 50 minutes each way to where I park and take the bus to get to work. I see a lot of crazy drivers, bad drivers and stupid drivers....


bad drivers...take note...




If you're turning. Put that damn signal light on. Before you break and start turning!


Don't hit the friggin breaks every few seconds, just slow down and if you kept your distance like you're suppose to, you wouldn't have to slam on them!

If it's 80km/hr, don't do 75! I promise - it's not going to hurt less if you have an accident driving 5kms slower.


In a rainstorm, where I can't see 20 feet in front of me, and I bet you can't either...turn - your - lights on! I bet you can't see your dashboard either...


If I can't see your headlights in my rearview mirror...you're way to close and if I would break, you'd end up inside my car and neither of us would be very happy about that.

And for the love of cars, please be ready when the light turns green. It's not a surprise that it's all of a sudden green after being red!

When merging...you know, the thing you do when you go from one road to another...there are rules!
Don't think you have the right of way just because you're bigger and think you're important.
 
Pay attention...

When merging on to a road such as a county road from another county road, I have the right of way if I'm on the road you're merging on to! There are even signs that tell you so!
Giving me the finger or honking your horn will not make me move faster.  Believe me.

When merging on to a two lane highway, I have to give way to you by moving lanes IF I CAN!

Sigh...rant over...

Peeves

It just felt like a day to write. I was on the bus and thoughts were coming to me out of nowhere. I think that maybe it's a day of complaining. Not sure. Whatever the day, I'm back at my blog which I have successfully ignored since January. Well done me!

I think blogs are personal. I think that when we write blogs for the sake of putting ourselves out there, we manage to somehow get away from what's important to us and we start writing for others, not for ourselves. I think that is what happened to George R. R. Martin when he wrote the 5th book in his chronicles of the Seven Kingdoms. Blimey! The first three books were brilliant! Couldn't stop reading...read them back to back that I finally had no recollection from which book something occurred. Then I got to book four and things started to go downhill. I've now given up (temporarily) on finishing book five.

Ok, so this was not the reason for sitting down and writing. I was on the bus and I started to look around at my fellow passengers. Everyone seems either intently interested in the free morning paper, their book or on that spot on the floor or ceiling that avoids any eye contact with a fellow passenger. When did we become such a "me-me" society? I know I know, it's nothing new. We don't care about our neighbours like we used to, we ignore the person needing help on the street and we don't rush to aide someone who's grocery bag exploded. Instead, we walk away shaking our heads at that individual's stupidity for overstocking the flimsy plastic bag in the first place. Serves you right!

It's necessarily not a peeve, as per the title of this blog post, but it is a sad event when it happens. Almost daily I watch this homeless old lady pick up other people's garbage that they have either dropped where they walked or it has actually blown out of a garbage can near by. She mumbles while she does it and she's in her own world. Regardless, I'm sure that the words she's mumbling goes something like this "useless people, irreponsible bastards, grow up"...and so on and so forth. I know that if that old lady was me, and heaven knows where I'll be in 40 years, I would be mumbling exactly those words or worse!

Common sense is out the window. We don't use it, most of us never had it to begin with, maybe because our parents didn't or lacked the ability to transfer it over. I look at my daughter and I am damned if she is to go through life without common sense or logic guiding her. Garbage goes in the garbage can, recycling goes in the recycling bin. If that means you need to hold on your plastic bottle for five blocks as you walk up the street, do so! If that napkin you just used is ready to be tossed but you don't see a garbage can in the area, put it in your purse or stuff it in your pocket! Not every street corner has an old lady looking after your lazy butt!

Resolutions? Ideas for 2011?

Apart from the obvious one, selling my house and moving forward, I have a few thoughts regarding what 2011 could potentially have in store for me. Of course, I hold the reins and I alone can decide what goes on in 2011. Having said that, I do believe that fate has a place in all of this as well and I'm only as good as what comes my way.

Thoughts then...

Detoxing

Yes. I seriously think I could benefit greatly from a natural detox. Not one that comes with massive amounts of supplements and saltwater baths...blabla...but a real detox. Lots of water, no coffee, fresh foods, dark leafy greens, less diary...you get the idea. This one I've already semi started. Going on day 5 without coffee and it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Drinking and exploring the world of tea!

Education

I have been in a training position for a year and I love it. I always knew I liked being with people and educating and learning at the same time. I would like to further this with a better understanding of my current field, learning as much as I can to better myself and others. Who knows where this will lead.

Travel

I do need to travel this year. I am planning a trip to Sweden and if all goes well it will go ahead for April. I want to do a lot of camping this year. At the end of the season last year, I purchased a tent and I'm planning my summer vacation around camping and long weekends. For the fall, well, let's just say it would be nice to go south, but that all depends on the money situation, vacation time left over and home situation.

My two cents...

Today I saw a woman with her baby at the Gymboree store at the Rideau Centre. She was browsing the clothing racks while her baby eagerly slobbered over an unpurchased soft toy from the baby section. As my friend and I walked by, the toy fell and my girlfriend picked it up and handed it back to the baby. The mother rudely turned around and removed the toy from her child's hands, promising to return a "new" one to him as the one that fell on the floor was dirty. She went to the table with the soft toys and grabbed a new one for him.

I'm not only appalled by the fact that she'll let her child play with unpurchased items in such a manner, but more so that she's absolutely uneducated about germs. Does she honestly think that the floor is more dirty than the soft toys that have been handled by many many hands most of them unclean, including my own?

This post isn't about mothers behaving badly, because I would not stop writing. I see enough mothers being downtown Ottawa and on the bus every single day to write a novel about it. I am also not making a statement that I'm an incredible mother without fault. I do, however, consider my mothering style to be logical, common sensical and informed. This mother today, honestly believed that her child was better off chewing on bacteria than on dirt. There's a photo of me from when I was no more than two, sitting in the sandbox eating sand and whatever else is in there. I collected earthworms in the rain, ate raspberries off the bush in the nude (oh wait, that was my sister) and played with rabbits and chickens in the yard.

Being vigilant and diligent when it concerns your children is most important, if it's about the right thing and in the right way.