Weddings and Tears

It's like Funerals and Tears isn't? It's bound to happen. It's something that is unavoidable and no matter what we say, do or imagine that we won't, we will cry. At some point. Whether it is while the adorable flower girl walks down the aisle with her basket of petals; the beautiful bride looking so elegant beside her father; the groom watching his beautiful bride; or during the speeches when it's either heartwarming or funny enough to shed a tear. We do it. We all do it.

This past September it was my sister's time to walk down the aisle. I was a bit distracted by life to be totally involved in her wedding details, on the other hand, she is a bit of a control freak
but an extremely organized one. She didn't mind. I think.

Back to the wedding.

It was a beautiful and amazing wedding. Everyone had a great time. During the ceremony I managed to keep my eyes dry even while my little girl walked down the aisle in her beautiful flower girl dress making sure the petals were properly placed along the way; marking the path for Karin to find her husband-to-be. They were also dry when my dad sat in the front row crying over his beautiful bride of a daughter looking so gorgeous and his oldest daughter (that'll be me) sang to her as the vows had just been said and sealed with a kiss. My eyes were dry.

My eyes were dry during the speeches; even my dad's speech which was heartwarming and lovely. I was more surprised than anything; considering at my wedding he brought up my weaknesses as a child (my lack of competitiveness in sports) and the 50 camels that my husband to be now was meant to pay up. (We are northern Bedouins, did you not know this?) No, no tears during that speech. I was mainly astounded that my dad could be that serious. It's was great Dad. I'm proud of you.

Then it was time for my speech. The maid of honour speech. I had not prepared. Figured I'd wing it. That once I was up at the podium and microphone I'd find good words and wisdom to pass on to my little sister as she entered marriage. Ha. What a joke. Me. Words of wisdom about marriage. Let's see, don't forget who you are. Don't be someone you're not. Don't fight but don't be silent either. Be yourself and be true always. Don't forget romance. Forget order sometimes and live in chaos. Be impulsive and throw caution to the wind; just be safe. Be great friends but not best friends. You need to be best friends with someone else. Have sex, but not because you feel you need to because you're now husband and wife, but because it's amazing to have sex with someone you love. It's not so great to have sex with your best friend. Just sayin. Get drunk together; and take care of each other when the other is alone in the hell of over drinking. Go on dates; not because you have to, but because you used to, even if you do have kids. Leave them at home; they'll be ok. I promise. Take evenings to do things on your own without your spouse and child(ren). You're entitled and you can. Explore whatever it is you want to explore. Don't stop doing anything just because you're now married or have children. Remember your reasons for getting married. It wasn't because of this - so you could have a party. It was because you love each other and because you want to be together. But if you don't love each other the same way, it's also ok to not be together. But be friends, always. You are now so there's no reason why you shouldn't be tomorrow.

This is what I probably would have said, or something more eloquent. But I didn't. I would also have said something about how I miss Mom and how much she would have loved being part of Karin's wedding. I would have said a small prayer and lifted a glass to make sure everyone knew that we missed her and loved her still. Even after 11 years. It just doesn't get better.

I didn't say any of that either. My sister had done such an amazing job at making sure Mom was part of her wedding. The donation cards with Mom's wedding picture, the charm she had on her bouquet with Mom's image and the brooch with her initial B on her dress. I believe she also wore Mom's engagement ring but I could be wrong. Nonetheless, she included her, in every possible way. I love her for that. I didn't mention Mom in my speech because my vocal cords would have failed me, the tears would have flown without stop and I would not have been able to find a way to keep the evening cheerful. It's better this way. And it's probably better that I didn't say any of those "important" messages either.

What I did say, in not so many words, is that I'm lucky to have my little sister on this side of the Atlantic Ocean and my life would not be the same without her. This is the truth.

Then I cried.