Decisions, Decisions...

It's difficult to know what the right thing to do is. It's never easy. If it was easy, life would be boring and mundane. We wouldn't be faced with situations wherein we had to make tough decisions and where we didn't have to figure out what the next step was. Who'd want to live a life such as this? Not me. I may complain and go on about wishing life was easier, that it would be better if someone made my decisions for me. That if I didn't have to think, should I go left, or should I go right, it would be a better day ahead and I would be happier. Really? No, that would be absolutely horrible actually. Sure there are times when I am faced with excruciating decisions, that weigh so heavily on me that it hurts waking up in the morning and putting one foot infront of the other, but I still would rather have that over someone making the decision for me and not having the right to choose.

This all started because I felt that being a mother (Oh, I absolutely don't like the way I feel when I write mother and reference myself. It makes me feel like a matriarch rather than a cool mom...so...anyway...moving on) is a tough job, to make decisions for someone else, to know always what the right thing to do is. And to be honest, truly honest...I never know what the right thing to do is. Never. I sway this way, and that way. I stumble around blindly at times, but some how, I manage to get it right most of the time. I always wish my mom was here. And it's not a sad acknowledgement really, it's just a fair statement. I think any mother out there leans on their own mother for when life gets tough. I don't have that, and I really wish at times that I did. I don't know if it would make it any easier, the decision is still going to be mine alone, but to have that person who could give you motherly advise would at least feel safe.

So back to making the right decision and knowing how and when. I wouldn't trade the freedom of deciding for anything, and that's what I hope to teach Emma. That making the right decision isn't always about what others expect you to choose, but what you want and what works best for you. What comes after your decision is the unknown part and that's when it gets even trickier. That's when you know if you made the right decision. And was it all you had anticipated? Did you get what you needed? What you wanted? Do you feel you lost out because you turned left when you should have jumped right? It's all a game isn't? We never really know because tomorrow hasn't happened yet. But it's always a bit scary...