All Coloured In

For the past months I have rediscovered a lot of things about me. For example, my love for winter, how the sun warms you even when it's freezing cold and on a milder day, I can stay outside for hours, feeling the cool air on my face, walking for hours, or perhaps even sitting down on a bench and just soaking in the sun. I've rediscovered how much I seek and want quiet time and alone time. As a teenager and I suppose also as a younger child, I always found myself alone at times but was never bothered by it. Since I had Emma, I haven't allowed myself a lot of alone time. I now know how important it is for me and how much value I place in having some alone time. I need to be on my own now and then, to gather my thoughts, to find peace and comfort within me. Yes, it could perhaps sound a bit strange, but I know what I am striving for and what I truly want and it is to be whole.

It's difficult to know what it is that you want in your life, but little by little you figure it out and it is what you make of your experiences and your wants that makes you whole. I am getting closer.

A couple of months ago, a truly great friend introduced me to a whole world of music that I would never have found on my own. I have been exploring this massive world, song by song. I have experienced highs and lows by lyrics and melodies that have taken me on journeys I would never have travelled on my own. For all of this I am grateful and can't wait to experience more of that world.

It's amazing how much music affects me. It gives me wings when I need it, it takes me to greater heights and it supports me when I am falling. I love that something so "simple" can make you float or help you go through the worst times in your life. It can make you remember good times, moments in your life that meant something to you, it can take you back decades and plunk you right down in the middle of your teenage years. Great music can make you cry or smile until your cheeks hurt.

All Coloured In. I love that. I found it in a song by The National. The song itself has nothing to do with what I took with me after listening to it. To me "all coloured in" means complete. Not just lines, but coloured in and whole. That's how I've felt for the past month. A bit more complete, a bit more coloured in...